Thursday, 21 May 2015

Quest to be selected as a ‘The Writer’s Voice’ team member – 2015 edition

I’ve made it past the Rafflecopter stage of The Writer’s Voice – phew! Now I have to post my query and the first 250 words of my novel in the hope of getting selected by one of the coaches onto their team. The query is spoilerish, so look away now if you don’t want to be spoilered (yeah, of course that’s a proper word!).

Oh, and for everyone else who’s also been lucky enough to make it through (Congratulations, fellow writers!) I’ll be putting a brief comment on your blogs so I can keep track of comments (especially coaches' comments). When pages are requested, or entries selected, I’ll do my best to keep people informed on #TheWVoice on Twitter or in a separate post here on my blog (so you might want to follow me...).

Anyway, without further ado, here’s my entry:

Query:

With a flair for telling fakelore, island girl Fenella lies to conceal her people’s oasis of forbidden magic from outsiders. But the sixteen-year-old’s tales of dragons and krakens can’t prevent a royal visit. Prince Jarek intends to seek a wife from among the islanders. Or so he says.

In the lead-up to the visit, Fenella saves a young man on the beach after a shipwreck. He claims amnesia. She names him Drake and feigns interest to investigate further. Puckering up her lying lips, she kisses her way through his memory loss. He tells her he’s a magic-user on the run. Fenella can’t admit her own magical ability will awaken soon, not with the magic-hating royal family on their way to the island. If they discover her island’s secrets, she’ll swing from the harbour gallows along with every other magic-user there.

But it takes a liar to spot a liar--and Fenella’s not the only one being economical with the truth. That signet ring Drake hides on a chain around his neck? It’s a royal heirloom.

THE FAKELORE GIRL is an 81,000-word YA fantasy novel. Thank you for your consideration.

First 250 words:

Lying spread-eagled on an altar wasn’t an experience I cared to repeat in a hurry; the knife the priestess was sharpening mere inches away looked evil, for starters. And the smile on Cressey’s blood-red lips showed just how much she relished her task. Barbarian.

The evening tide ebbed from the open-air temple dedicated to the goddess Drina. Waves lapped against the two stone columns standing as a gateway to the sea and the krakens haunting its depths. A small mercy I wasn’t chained to those columns, awaiting my death one kraken mouthful at a time.

“Shouldn’t I be naked?” I wiggled my toes. The heels of my feet and the tips of my fingers touched the four corners of the granite slab. Grains of sand rubbed against my skin. “I really think I should be naked.”

“What, right now?” The knife stilled. “Fenella, nobody wants to see that.”

“No, not now. For my Awakening ceremony next month.” For just a few seconds I imagined the full moon casting its silvery light over my unclothed body on the altar, my generous curves a stark contrast against the hard edges of the stone. I took the image a step farther: a gilt-framed portrait of the scene on display in our castle for all to admire. With my hands and long hair covering the appropriate bits (and painted tastefully from the right angle), I wouldn’t be too exposed – just exposed enough for the painting to win pride of place in any exhibition.

Fenella's island


64 comments:

  1. Thanks Annette! Good luck to you too. Your story sounds awesome! I'm such a sucker for island settings 😉

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  2. Some nice humor here too! Good luck--and thanks for visiting my entry on Middle Grade Mafioso.

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  3. Good luck on the contest! (I really love that picture at the end. What a gorgeous place).

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    1. Shh, don't tell anyone, but it's not really an island. It's Land's End in Cornwall, UK. :o)

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  4. Love your opening. Good luck!

    "kisses her way through his memory loss" - love!

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  5. Starting with a sacrifice that I'm hoping doesn't go further... Very cool! Good Luck!

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  6. Hi Annette,

    Nice entry. I like your deeper POV. Congrats on making it into the next round. I'll be sure to follow you on twitter for all the news.

    Mia

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  7. Great opening! Good luck in the contest!

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  8. Hi Annette. Congratulations for getting past the rafflecopter. Great query. Very inventive. Good luck!

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  9. I loved the voice. It's awesome. The humor alone would make me want to read more. You have a likable, funny MC. Best of luck :)

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  10. You grabbed me right from the start! I think I need to invest a little more time reading fantasy. You may convert me. LOL Good luck in the contest!

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  11. What a great beginning. Good luck in the contest!

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  12. Great query! These are some of my favorite elements all in one book!
    I offer everyone a query crit, and if you're daring, how I would have voted if I were a judge. Just give me a holler at DrFaerieGodmother.blogspot.com with your email (you can use the name (at) server dot com method if you like), and I'll email you a crit with some specifics. if you don't like having your email on the interwebs, just say so in the comment, and I'll delete that before the bots can get it!

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  13. This sounds amazing! Good luck :)

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  14. fantastic opening page. good luck and I hope we get to see more.

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  15. I love the humor in your 250. Great opening line too! Good luck :)

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  16. Whoah! This is wild. She is a sassy girl. Love it!

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  17. Love the smart-alecy voice, Annette. And I'm intrigued by the lying as much as the magic. Lots of misdirection and surprises, I'm guessing.
    Connie

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  18. OMG, this is GREAT!! You're going to land on a team for sure! :)

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  19. Ooh, so intriguing! Love the query and premise. Best of luck :)

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  20. Oh, I didn't realize you were in the contest too! I thought you were a judge, lol!! But I'm so glad I saw this, it sounds wonderful! Awesome submission, and what a fun idea! Best of luck to you!!! :D

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  21. Best of luck! Love the title!

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  22. Good luck, Annette! I like the line about being economical with the truth. ;)

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  23. Love this beginning! Good luck in the competition!

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  24. Thank you for all your comments - much appreciated! :o)

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  25. Fenella is cool. I'd love for my daughter to read a book with a character like her. Best of luck!

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  26. Love the premise of The Fakelore Girl! Best of luck, Annette!

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  27. Love the voice in this. Good luck!

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  28. Annette, for some reason I thought I already commented here-- but just realized I didn't! So sorry! I love how well the voice in your query matches the voice of your first 250, and the MC is very intriguing-- can't help but wonder how she got into the position she's in and where she'll go from there! Best of luck!

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  29. What a great premise! Good luck in the competition.

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  30. Your MC sounds like the type of girl that could get herself into lots of fun trouble.

    Good luck!
    Rebecca

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  31. Love the folklore! Best of luck!!

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  32. I like the combination of folklore, conspiracy and sass. Your 250 is great, especially '"shouldn't I be naked" I wiggled my toes.'

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  33. Oh interesting, I love games of intrigue played between characters! And good story tellers/ liars? So great! Good luck!!

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  34. The story has a great start, and I would definitely keep reading.

    Thanks for sharing and good luck!

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  35. Love it! Anything that makes me throat chuckle wins my heart. "Shouldn't I be naked?" hahahahaha! That's awesome.

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  36. This sounds like a wonderful story. Great characterization on the first page; I wish I could read more.

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  37. Sounds like something I would definitely read! Good luck in the contest :)

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  38. Your premise sounds so lovely! Good luck!

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  39. I was completely sure I'd already posted, but I actually didn't. Here to remedy that. Love the premise and you've got such a great voice. Loved the bit of humor in the 250! Best of luck!

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  40. This is fun. I enjoyed your voice! Best of luck to you!

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  41. Island fun! Looks like a great story!

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  42. Strong query and opening both. Good luck!

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  43. Intriguing opening. Good luck!

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  44. "Puckering up her lying lips" -- I loooove this :)

    I'm having a little trouble following the threads through your query. A few things:

    - Cut the first few words and start with "Island girl Fenella"... much stronger start.
    - Where does Fenella live? Why would she need to lie to people who live in her island? How do her tales connect to preventing a visit? Why would a magic-hating royal family have the Prince seek his wife there? What is this magical ability that's supposed to awaken and how does she know about it?
    - I think hiding the fact that Drake is the Prince doesn't belong in the query, at least not with the setup that the Prince is coming. Or it shouldn't be used as the hook, because I kinda assumed already given the setup, so the reveal of the heirloom gets a "duh" reaction.

    Some food for thought. :) Best of luck!

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  45. Hey, Annette!
    Oh, man! I think I just missed you by 40 minutes or so! And now you are sleeping! Boo! I'm tempted to wake you up, 'cause Stephanie and I WANT YOU ON OUR TEAM!!

    I loved the concept here--the query has many witty parts, and I really like the title, too! The only reason we didn't pick you on the first round was (at least on my side--I'm not sure about Stephanie's, though) was that a couple of things about the page confused me a little bit. BUT! If you're on board, we can totally work on those things and make your entry really pretty for the agents' round. =D I also love your enthusiasm and how you're always around updating people. You're a really sweet peep and I would be SO happy if you and Fenella pretty please join TeamFTW!

    Let me know if you have any question!
    We really want you on our team!
    XOXO
    M

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    1. Aw, thank you, Monica! I'm chuffed to join #TeamFTW! YAY! :o)

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  46. CONGRATS, Annette! All the #TheWVoice tweeps are SO super happy for you!!!!!! :)

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    1. We really are! Way to go, Annette!

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    2. Yes! So many congratulations, Annette! (I may be barely on Twitter, but I am still so, so happy you can report yourself as a pick!!)

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  47. CONGRATS! Sooo happy for you! And again, thank you for all the hard work you did!

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  48. Annette, we're all partying for sleepy you, oblivious to the news you will awake to. Congrats!! :)

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    1. Yeah, I might not sleep tonight, lol! Thank you! :o)

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  49. Hi Annette! I know Monica already said everything SO well, but I just wanted to chime in and say how excited I am about your entry and how much I would LOVE to have you our team as well! I think you have a fantastic concept--I love the idea of fakelore!-- and if you are interested in working with Monica and me, we would be thrilled to have you as part of TeamFTW! It's been so fun watching you tweet and keep everyone updated during TWV, and I really look forward to getting to know you more...if you accept our offer! <3

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    1. Thank you! I accept! I accept! :oD

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    2. Yayyyy!! So now she's officially in our team, S! Thank you, Annette!! And yeah, it's been CRAZY FUN! Teehee!!
      <3

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  50. Thank you soooo much to everyone for your comments on my entry! I didn't reply individually cos I didn't want to clog up the feed, lol, but I really appreciate the cheering on and support. THANK YOU ALL! :o)

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